I Wish This Never Happened
by MyNameIsJeffNImLost
Summary: Will this day get any more confusing for Beckett and Castle? This time, somebody else gets arrested. One-shot, loose sequel to "This Never Happened". Can be read stand-alone.


_Obligatory quote: "_We're shaping the youth of America!" "I'm not allowed to do that anymore." - _Chuck vs. the Push Mix, 4.13._

_Summary:_ This one-shot is a loose sequel to _This Never Happened. _Can this day get any more confusing for Beckett and Castle? Beckett's bad day continues when somebody else is arrested.

You don't have to read _This Never Happened_ to understand this story. It can be read stand-alone. For this story, you only need to know Castle and Beckett had a strange case in the morning that was taken over by another agency, which effectively erased all records of the case even existing. Despite this story being Castle/Chuck, it is completely unrelated to _Castle vs the Law of Averages_. The first quarter of this story is Caskett only. Several of the Chuck cast come in later, so hang in there, Chuck fans.

This story is set a few weeks after _Castle 3.17, Countdown _andbefore _Castle 3.19, Law and Murder._ It is set sometime after _Chuck vs. the A-Team, 3.18_, and before _Chuck vs. the Family Volkoff, 3.20._

Disclaimer: Nobody else owns anything here, so why would I?

Disclaimer 2: No beta. Why would I sucker/obligate/subject anyone into reading this when they didn't want to?

**XXXXXXXX**

One big mistake. This day was one big mistake.

Detective Kate Beckett tried to organize her thoughts as she filled out her witness statement. If she could just focus, she'd be out of here and going home in no time. She would slip into a warm bath with a glass of wine and a book from her favorite author. Wait. Not a book from him. Anyone but him. The last thing she needed right now was to be naked reading one of his books. Obviously, with the day she had, focusing was going to be a problem.

Actually, her day had been filled with a lot of big mistakes. A few little ones, too. The first mistake was getting up this morning—bad idea. Well, _maybe_ that one could be forgiven. She supposed she had to wake up eventually.

The second mistake wasn't her fault either. Her job obligated her to go to the murder scene in the morning. Maybe she shouldn't have arrested the suspect, even though he was acting guilty. However, that arrest led to the murder being handed off to… to somebody. She really didn't want to think about the colonel who took away her case this morning. Without that arrest, they would probably still be investigating and getting nowhere. In fact, that arrest "officially" never happened, and the murder "officially" never happened. So there was no point in dwelling on those mistakes. One could argue they "officially" never happened as well.

At the time, asking the Captain for the rest of the day off seemed like a good idea. Considering the bizarre nature of "The Case That Never Happened", he readily agreed. That is when she made the first mistake that was completely her fault. Beckett asked Castle out for drinks. She asked _him_ out for drinks, and it was not even noon. This was going to be a long day.

Going out of drinks should not have been that big of a mistake. They had gone for lunch, dinner, drinks, and movies as friends before. No harm there. She just wished she didn't listen to what that colonel said to her privately about her and Castle. It somehow got to her and messed with her head for the rest of the day. It all started when Castle joked about giving each other hickeys. Nothing unusual there. However this time she replied, "Check back with me after the fourth round."

What was she thinking?

When they first started working together, Castle would make suggestive comments, and Beckett would threaten him. Phase two occurred after they knew each other better. He would drop some innuendo, and she would give as good as she got. Teasing him about navel rings, unbuttoned buttons, and tattoos was fun because Castle was left speechless. Lately, she had entered a new phase: she was assuming his comments had sexual overtones even when he didn't intend so. The fact that her mind was going to the gutter faster than his was a bad sign. However, it was this new phase which was definitely too far. Her comment confirmed that his flirty suggestion was not outside of the realm of possibility.

Again. What was she thinking?

Now, suddenly, her nice afternoon for unwinding had become something more complicated. Kate had to make sure her thing with Rick didn't get out of hand. So much for a stress-free afternoon.

When they reached The Old Haunt, Rick slid behind the bar and poured them each a shot. When had 'Castle' become 'Rick'? Sometime between phase two and three, she realized. Beckett's partner was still Castle. Outside of a case, outside of the precinct, Kate's most trusted friend was now 'Rick'.

They quickly downed their shots. They were exactly what they needed after their bizarre morning. Realizing it was not yet noon, Rick switched to the beer on tap. They both nursed their beer for a long time while they fell into a friendly conversation. They joked about men in black, aliens, and clones among us. Rick could not contain his delight in discovering that Kate watched sci-fi. They debated what science fiction could someday become science fact. They agreed that the Syfy Channel went downhill since it switched from Sci-Fi to "Sea-fee." Wrestling was not sci-fi. Kate admitted she was a big fan of _The X-Files_. She didn't own the DVDs, but she had seen nearly every episode and most of them more than once. Mulder's obsessive search for his sister was something Kate could relate to with her search for her mother's killers.

Lunch time rolled around, and they ate in the bar. By this time they had switched to water, so Kate's fourth round challenge—or was it promise—seemed safely out of reach.

After lunch they played a couple friendly rounds of pool. No bets were placed. Rick joked that as bar owner, the rounds were on him, so there wasn't a point. Kate was relieved because she didn't trust what other inappropriate stakes they might dream up. They were still drinking water, so the rounds were free anyway. Both played fairly well but were disappointed with the results. Under normal circumstance, Kate could have wiped the floor with him. But today, her concentration was lacking. Rick's wasn't much better.

Frustrated from their poor showing at pool, they decided to head out to find some other afternoon activity. Kate, happy that she had avoided the (promised) fourth round activity, figured there was no harm. Rick was not only her most trusted friend, but lately he was practically her best friend. What would be the harm in hitting a matinee at the movie multiplex? It's not like she invited him and offered to pay for his popcorn. That would have been a mistake, almost like taking him on a date. They each bought their own ticket and refreshments. While Rick offered to share popcorn, she wasn't that stupid either.

Kate was smart enough to avoid romantic comedies, to Rick's relief. Horror movies didn't make sense in the daylight. Neither wanted the deep thought of a drama. That left action thrillers and sci-fi. Considering their morning, sci-fi seemed appropriate.

They were duped.

_The Adjustment Bureau _seemed like a safe choice. Little did they know it was a romantic love story that was masquerading as sci-fi. Objectively, it might have been a good movie. But the last movie Kate and Rick needed to see together was a movie about mysterious forces rewriting destinies and preventing two people from being together. Some might say the movie was mocking their own life. To make matters worse, the theater was virtually empty on a weekday afternoon. With them sitting near the rear, anyone would have incorrectly assumed they had picked the movie so they could make-out in the back.

Kate was careful throughout the movie, leaning on the opposite armrest. To her surprise and admittedly slight disappointment, Rick never made a move with his arm. He offered popcorn a few times, which Kate did accept. She just was very careful about accidental touches.

Unsurprisingly, Rick loved the movie. He liked the idea of someone writing his destiny like a story that he was a character who was trying to break out and change it. Kate didn't want to talk about it, although she was starting to wonder who was messing with her life, doing things like causing Gina to show up at the precinct last year. Rick still didn't know the whole story behind that disaster, so Kate quickly changed the topic.

Alexis had study group and she normally ate out with friends afterwards, so Rick had no reason to be home for a while. Kate asked if he needed to be writing, but Rick only responded there was no place else he would rather be and no one he would rather be with. There he was acting sweet again. Kate needed to figure out how to get him to stop doing that. Their relationship, whatever it was, was easier when they were teasing each other. She could handle his childish banter better than his sweet and genuine compliments. The former was fun. The latter melted her insides an unsafe amount.

They spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the city. After a while, they stopped in the park and found a bench. Rick started profiling strangers, spinning stories about their dark sides. First, the stories were humorous. One lady supported an entire loft of pigeons from her roof. A man who walked by kept an illegal pet monkey in his apartment that would throw its waste out the window at pedestrians three stories below. The police had been unable to identify the window. Another woman had a ferret in her purse that she was about to unleash on her unsuspecting ex's newsstand. Kate gave him a hard time about the animal motif, so he switched it up to murderers in hiding, broken hearted housewives, and exotic dancers—both men and women.

Kate was almost in tears from laughing so hard. After some persistent nagging, she even made up a couple of stories. She couldn't remember having as much fun in years. Unfortunately for Kate, sometime during this fun, they had started touching each other more. She hadn't even realized she was doing it at first, but she was regularly swatting him on the shoulder and grabbing his arm as she laughed. Rick was more careful, but was still leaning into her slightly. She liked him doing it—a little too much.

Kate thought she had learned her lesson. She didn't want to be anything more than partners and maybe best friends with Rick. Yet the whole day they were acting like a couple. This whole day was a mistake.

As evening approached, Rick suggested a nice dinner to cap the day. Kate was having none of that. She made an excuse about not wanting to return home to dress up, so she suggested Remy's. That place was safe. That's where she ate with her partner, Castle, not her almost date, Rick.

Not in any hurry, they walked to Remy's, talking about Alexis' college plans and Martha's school. Kate loved the family side of Rick. Maybe she shouldn't have been thinking about how much she loved any side of Rick. Maybe they walked a little too closely. Maybe she should have prevented their hands from brushing together every so often. Maybe they should have taken a cab to get there sooner and avoid temptation.

Unfortunately, walking to Remy's had a consequence beyond the ongoing saga of Kate and Rick. A couple of blocks from the diner, they heard some yelling down an alley. Immediately reverting to cop-mode, Beckett ordered Castle to stay back as she carefully walked towards the commotion, her gun lowered but ready. Behind the dumpster, she witnessed an Indian woman beating a heavyset balding man who was sitting, splayed out against the building. She raised her weapon and ordered the assailant back. The attacker cried out in shock and jumped back against the far wall. With a closer look, Beckett realized the perp was not a woman, but was a pathetic looking little man with long greasy hair. The perp and the vic were wearing matching raglan T-shirts with black sleeves.

Beckett immediately spun him and started reading him his rights. Castle approached the scene and checked the other man. That is he tapped the man in the leg with his foot. With the light kick, the man tilted sideways and banged his head hard into the adjacent dumpster. With no reaction, he appeared dead. Beckett called for an ambulance and a patrol car. The police car arrived first, taking the suspect to lock-up. A minute later, the EMTs showed up, quickly pronouncing the other man dead, sending him off to the morgue.

And that's how Beckett ended up back at the station. Her latest mistake effectively cancelled her day and evening off. But at least it helped solve a murder. As a witness, this case should be open and shut. She just had a little paperwork to complete.

At least doing paperwork, she couldn't further confuse her relationship with Rick. It really was a shame. This afternoon would have been a perfect day with a best friend. Add some playful kisses, some cuddling, and a good make-out session at the movie, and it would have been a perfect afternoon date with a boyfriend. Rick was her best friend, _not_ her boyfriend. Then why was she obsessing about the lack of cuddling and other stuff? _Ahhhh!_ This day was driving her nuts.

At that moment, Castle plopped a large bag and tray of drinks on her desk. "We have food!"

Beckett returned a small smile. With their dinner plans cancelled, Castle had volunteered to do a Remy's Run. Ryan and Esposito were not in the bullpen at the moment, but it looked like he brought more than enough for them too. Beckett snatched her milkshake and burger, seeing Esposito emerge from by the elevators.

"Yo. Leave it to you two to go out and find more bad guys on your afternoon off. Lanie was not too happy we got called in," Esposito said.

Beckett replied, "Thanks for coming in, Esposito. This should be an open and shut case. We'll be done quickly, but I can't make any promises about Lanie. Depends on what she finds."

"To make up for inconveniencing you, I brought food! Here's yours… and here's more to take to your lovely girlfriend. Please tell her we are sorry."

Esposito shrugged as if all was forgiven with a little food. "I just got back from processing. The suspect lawyered up." Beckett nodded, expecting as much. Esposito continued, "_However_, the lawyer, who I guess is his cousin, said he would not longer be giving out free legal help and hung up. When we offered a public defender, the guy went nuts, complaining that he wouldn't trust any cronies that worked for the man. The point is: he _waived_ his right to counsel."

Beckett perked up. Although it wasn't really needed in this case, a confession was always helpful in locking down a case. Plus Beckett always wanted to know the 'why' behind a murder. "Bring him up to interrogation. I'll see what I can get out of him."

"He's being brought up after they finish processing him. One more thing. After they calmed him down, he started mumbling 'WWCD' over and over again."

"WWCD?"

"One of the officers heard him said it once, 'What would Chuck do?'" Beckett nodded, and Esposito left with his extra meal to take to his girlfriend down at the morgue.

Right afterwards, Ryan walked up. Before he could say anything, Castle was providing his peace offering of food. Ryan smiled at the free food and said to the pair, "So what have we got?"

Beckett replied, "Castle and I witnessed the tail end of a murder. Unfortunately, we were too late. Lester Patel, the suspect, is being brought up to interrogation. Jeffrey Barnes, the vic, is being checked out by Lanie in the morgue. Oh, and we're sorry about disrupting your plans with Jenny."

"Wait. Lester and Jeff? As in Jeff and Lester?"

Beckett looked at him, confused. "Yes. Why?"

"As in Jeffster?"

"Their shirts did say 'Jeffster!' on them," Castle noted.

Ryan smiled at the irony. "From the sounds of it, our plans would have been disrupted anyway."

"What do you mean?" Beckett asked.

"Jenny and I were going to a club. The entertainment for the evening was a band called 'Jeffster!'"

"So you are a fan of this band?" Castle inquired.

"No! I hadn't heard of them until last night when Jenny told me about them."

"So Jenny is a fan of this band?" Beckett noticed a hint of something in Castle's question.

"No. Ok, let me explain."

"Please do." Castle was definitely teasing now. Beckett grinned.

"Jenny and I were going to the club with a couple of her friends. One of her friends subscribes to a website feed called 'So Bad It's Good'. It advertises really bad music groups, art exhibits, books, stuff like that. They set up punk events where they get these people to embarrass themselves publicly. Jeffster! is supposed to be this lame cover band they brought in from California."

"They paid to fly them in?"

"No. They tricked them to driving themselves all the way across the country to play at a karaoke night."

Castle covered his mouth trying to contain a laugh.

Beckett was more serious. "So maybe Patel found out about the prank and took it out on Barnes. Run backgrounds on Patel, the vic, and their band. Also, look into Patel's phone records for a 'Chuck'. Patel mentioned the name in processing."

"Will do, boss."

A few minutes later, Beckett finished her milkshake and signed the bottom of her witness statement. She looked up and saw the suspect being escorted into Interrogation Room 2. She added the statement to her file and jumped up to check-in with Ryan. Castle followed closely on her heels.

"Ryan, what have you got?"

"I'll print it up for you right now. Both the vic and the suspect have a very long record. Most of it is small time: public intoxication, disturbing the peace, that sort of thing. They do have a few restraining orders out against them. It doesn't have the details here, but they do not appear to be linked to arrests."

"Any history of violence?"

"No, although this mug shot from one of their drunken arrests shows signs of being in a fight. No charges were pressed, but the arresting officer suspected a fight club."

"Like the movie?" Castle asked.

"Maybe too much. See that's where this gets weird. They do have a few more serious arrests and warrants. The most recent is another disturbing the peace. However it was in the maternity ward of a hospital. Thing is… the charges were dropped."

"Hospitals are normally very serious about maternity ward security. The hospital dropped the charges?"

"Yeah. I thought that was strange. It's only the latest in a series of dropped charges. The first was a couple of years ago. They took out the circuit breaker of the shopping complex they work at using a firecracker."

Beckett suggested, "Sounds like a prank, but I'm still surprised the charges were completely dropped. Someone could have been hurt."

"Well, a year later, they were wanted for blowing up the Buy More in that shopping complex."

"I remember hearing about that on the news," Castle said.

"Sounds like that graduated from pranks to full grade explosives," Beckett stated. "Wait. The charges were dropped on that, too?"

"Let's see. It says here they were the original suspects because their manager reported he heard them talking about burning down the store. Later, investigators revealed it was a gas leak. One of them actually pulled the fire alarm to get everyone out."

"Hmm. In any case, the Patel seems like a real low-life. The rumored fight club and the threats to the store show a tendency to violence. Come on, Castle. Let's see if we can get a confession."

"Don't we normally talk to Lanie first?"

"Yes. But normally she is at the crime scene before us. We're ahead of her for a change. While we could wait, I want to see if we can get a confession before he lawyers up again."

Beckett and Castle sat across the table from the terrified Indian man. Beckett glanced over the open file in front of her, giving the suspect time to get even more nervous. _That's strange. It says here he's Canadian, not Indian. _

Suddenly, the little man burst out, "I didn't do it! I didn't kill anyone! Please don't send me to prison! I wouldn't do well there! I'm the weaker gazelle!" He continued making some kind of noise that sounded like a donkey hyperventilating.

Beckett waited for him to quiet down to an almost silent wheezing. "We both saw you beating him in that alley. Maybe you should have thought about the consequences before you killed him. I want to know why you did it."

Lester calmed his breathing and tilted his head. "Wait, who did I supposedly kill?"

Before Beckett could respond, the interrogation room door opened. Castle and Beckett turned to see Esposito motioning for them to come out.

Outside the room, Esposito said with a grave expression, "You need to see Lanie immediately."

"Why? What did she find?"

"You just better go see her."

Beckett and Castle took a quick car ride to the morgue. They halted upon entering Lanie's room, startled by the sight of a very pissed-off medical examiner.

"I'm sorry. What did I do?" Castle asked, falling on his sword to protect Beckett.

Lanie swung her hand out sharply and pointed at the wall. On the floor, leaning back against the wall, sat one Jeffrey Barnes. He was sitting mostly upright, slightly tilted to the side with his mouth open. Most importantly, the corpse was _snoring_.

"I prefer my bodies to be dead, and I really didn't need the mental image of one sitting up on me. If I get nightmares at 3am, guess who I'm waking up?"

"I'm so sorry, Lanie. I was securing the perp. Castle checked the body." Beckett swatted him on the chest with the back of her hand. "Didn't you check for a pulse?"

"I just kicked him, and he fell into the dumpster without reacting. I didn't want to disrupt the crime scene without gloves. Then I went to block the alley and wait for the EMTs. Seriously, you're always reminding me I'm not a cop. Why would you think I'm suddenly a doctor? Shouldn't the EMTs have known if he was dead?"

Outside in the hallway, they heard someone burst out laughing.

"Get in here, Esposito!" Beckett ordered.

He walked into the room wearing a huge grin which did not seem to be appreciated by the detective, writer, or his medical examiner girlfriend. "Sorry." He tried to control his smile, but was failing spectacularly.

"Just for that, you get to drag him back to the precinct and shove him into holding." Beckett returned a taunting grin. "Thank you so much for wasting our time driving back and forth."

Castle asked, "Doesn't this mean there is no murder? Are we done for the evening?"

Beckett shook her head. "Unfortunately, it means we are stuck with a routine assault and battery as well as a public intoxication."

"But can't you stick some lesser police officer with that," Castle whined.

"No. I'm not shirking my duty, and we are both witnesses, so we are stuck here. Lanie's done, though. I'll let Ryan and Esposito go when they have finished what they are in the middle of."

Lanie now wore a similar taunting smile to what Beckett gave Esposito earlier.

Castle apologized to Lanie again. "At least you got a free meal out of it."

"My arteries thank you," Lanie quipped as she swallowed a couple of fries. "Now, I have some EMTs to chew out."

Back at the precinct, Beckett walked over to Ryan who had the desk phone at his ear. "Good news, Ryan. The vic is alive again, so you can go home."

"Ok, I'm ringing Chuck Bartowski right now. Do you still want me to talk to him?"

Beckett looked around the mostly empty bullpen. "Why not? Put it on speaker."

When Ryan pushed the speaker button, the room exploded with the sound of gunfire through the phone's speaker. The detectives and writer all jumped. "What the hell?"

The louder small weapons fire was punctuated by distant machine gun fire.

Beckett quickly ordered, "Run a trace."

The weapons fire continued.

Ryan looked up from his trace. "I traced it to a New York City cell tower. Then the trace failed

"It failed?"

"It's blocked."

In the background, it almost sounded like an explosion. A few seconds later there was a strong grunt. "Oh crap!" a man near the phone yelled. "Casey's been hit! And I think I butt-answered my phone."

A woman yelled back, "Who cares about your phone? Just take his gun and lay down some covering fire."

"Sarah, you know I'm not good with the automatic weapons. And the phone might Ellie. She'd have a heart attack if she heard gunfire. Give me a sec."

The line suddenly went dead.

"Uhhh." Castle didn't have the words.

Beckett broke out of the shock first, "Ryan, give me everything you can find on Chuck Bartowski."

Esposito joined the group, "We might still have a case."

"You heard the call?" Castle asked.

"No, what call?"

Beckett interrupted, "What have you got, Esposito?"

"Ok, I was dropping off Barnes in holding. He's awake now. His liver must be working double-time. I also think he winked at the gang banger in there or something, because I've never seen someone jump to the far side of the cage so fast. As got Barnes settled on a bench, he started moaning about a girl, some Loretta. Said they lost her."

"Loretta what?"

"He didn't say."

"Are you thinking abduction?"

"With their stalking record, I wouldn't rule it out."

"Maybe that's what the fight was about." Beckett paused for a couple seconds and looked at Castle.

"I want to take another pass at Patel…"

"See if we can get him to talk about Loretta…"

"And maybe find out why one of his phone contacts is in some kind of shoot out." Beckett turned to Esposito who was smiling at Beckett and Castle's finish-each-others-sentences thing. "If he's coherent enough, bring Barnes up to another interrogation room. Ryan, let me know when you have more on this Chuck."

Back in the interrogating room, Beckett and Castle walked in on the suspect curled in a fetal position on the chair. Having long lost her patience, Beckett started right in. "I have good news and bad news. Good news, your buddy Jeff is still alive. Bad news is I still have you on assault, attempted murder, and now kidnapping charges."

Lester unwound and righted himself on the chair. "Of course he's not dead. It would take at least three times that much alcohol to kill him. He just had couch lock."

_Couch lock?_ _That could explain a few things. _"We called your friend Chuck. I'd like to know how he is involved and if he is the one currently holding Loretta."

Lester's new found confidence dissolved into confusion. "No. Chuck's in California. We haven't let him near Loretta in over a year."

_California? The trace died in New York. Wait… They've had Loretta over a year? _"Why was there automatic weapons fire on his end of the call?"

Lester scoffed. "He's probably playing _Call of Duty_ with Morgan."

_That didn't sound like a video game. _"So the woman on the call was Morgan?"

"Woman? Oh man, Morgan is going to be shattered when he finds out. First Chuck's woman moves in to their bachelor pad. Next they get engaged and kick him out. And now the final straw: she's his new gaming buddy." Lester was grinned at this Morgan's apparent misery.

Castle picked up the line of questioning. "So Morgan is…"

"The manager at the Buy More and from the sounds of it, Chuck's former best friend."

"And Chuck is…"

"Our Nerd Herd supervisor at the Buy More."

"And the woman…"

"Sarah. The woman that we all wish we deserved. Although, she can be a little bit scary sometimes. We almost went out on a date once-"

Castle interrupted his reminiscing, "Where's Loretta, Lester?"

"How should I know? It's Jeff's job to keep track of her."

Beckett's phone buzzed. She pulled in out and saw the caller was blocked. "Excuse me." She walked just out into the bullpen and answered. "Beckett."

"Hello, Detective Beckett. This is Agent Walker. You called earlier?"

Beckett pulled back the phone and stared at it for a second. _Could this day get any stranger?_

"Hello? Are you there?"

"Uh, sorry. I'm in an interrogation. Just a minute."

Beckett motioned for Castle to follow her. They left a uniformed officer guarding Patel again. She claimed an empty conference room, shut the door, and put the phone in the middle of the table with the speaker on.

"Thank you for waiting. I'm Detective Kate Beckett and I'm here with my partner, Rick Castle. You said I called you?"

"Not me, this phone. Agent Bartowski is busy right now."

"You are calling from Chuck Bartowski's phone?"

"Yes. I need to know how you got this number."

"So you must be Sarah?"

"You haven't answered my question."

"How did you get my personal cell phone number?"

"Traced your incoming call to NYPD, twelfth precinct, homicide division, desk of Detective Kevin Ryan. Ran voiceprint analysis on the inbound sounds. Identified the voice of Detective Kate Beckett, age 31, supervisor to Detective Ryan. Looked up your phone number in the NYPD directory."

Castle couldn't contain himself, "There's an app for that?"

Sarah ignored the question. "Now how about you answer my question, Detective?"

Beckett didn't believe her explanation, but before she could answer, Sarah called to someone on her end of the phone, "Hey, Carina! Get over here!"

Another woman's voice was in the background. "What are you all worked up about Walker?"

"You blew it again."

"Hey, we stopped them didn't we? So what if I breached a few minutes early. I wanted to get done so we could hit some clubs tonight. Zondra's here."

"That's not what I meant. I have NYPD on the phone. You forgot to send the notice to local law enforcement."

"I normally let the local DEA boys take care of it."

"Your persuasion skills at getting other agents to do your paperwork aside, you know as senior agent you have to sign-off on it."

"Isn't Colonel Casey here the _senior_ agent?"

"Come on, Carina. You didn't even know I was bringing him along, and this op is for your agency."

Carina's voice was fainter, as if she was talking away from the phone, "Casey, I'm glad to see you traded out the four-leaf clovers for the stars and stripes, but you should know Sarah's made her team off limits to me. You didn't need to get shot as an excuse for me to see you in your boxers again. Your effort was wasted."

In the background, there was a low growl.

Sarah didn't sound happy. "Carina, I told you Chuck and Morgan are off-limits. They are both off-the-market. Considering Morgan's new girlfriend is Casey's daughter, I thought it would be a little weird, but that's your call. You're changing the subject, though. Here, you have to deal with the local police."

"Nah, I have to get out of this gear and into a dress. Be ready to go in twenty. We need to have the classified bachelorette party when Chuck's sister is not around. We'll invite her to the one with strippers." Carina's voice trailed off as if she was walking away.

"Carina, get back here! I'm not going out with you tonight!" Sarah returned to the phone call. "I'm sorry about that. So, how did you say you got this number?"

Beckett couldn't believe the conversation she overheard. This day was getting stranger and stranger. She answered, "His contact information was on the cell phone of a suspect we are currently holding. He told us Chuck was playing video games. Could you please ask Chuck to put down the Playstation controller so I could speak with him?"

"So this is not related to tonight's op? I figured Agent Miller forgot to send the notice to local law enforcement."

"Tonight's op? I don't understand."

"Turn on the TV to your local news. There are choppers all over the place."

Castle quickly grabbed the remote and turned on the TV hanging from the ceiling in the corner of the room. On the TV was an overhead view of a shipyard. Over a dozen rescue vehicles were on site. A couple fires were burning including one on a ship. The bottom message said, "DEA raids East Coast's largest drug pipeline."

"I'm sorry, Miss Walker, but I don't believe you."

Sarah sighed. "Just a minute."

The TV coverage had switched to the interview of some DEA public relations person.

"Look over his right shoulder."

Beckett's mouth dropped as she saw the glow of a distant cell phone waiving over the PR guy's right shoulder. Castle mumbled, "Wow. It's like interactive TV."

"I'm sorry, Agent Walker. I was not aware you and Agent Bartowski were DEA."

"We're not."

"Oh. FBI?"

"No."

Castle barely contained his excitement as he mouthed and signed C I A.

"Then who are you?"

"You are not cleared for that information."

Across the room, Castle mouthed "Yes" with a deliberate fist pump. Just when she thought this day could not get any worse.

Sarah continued, "Who do you have in custody?"

"Lester Patel and Jeffrey Barnes."

Sarah sighed. "You're kidding. What did they do this time?"

Beckett realized these agents must be the ones getting the charges dropped. "Assault and kidnapping."

The phone was silent for a few seconds. "Fine. Let me see if Chuck is done."

In the background, Beckett and Castle could hear Sarah talking to Chuck. "How's he doing?"

"Not too bad, considering he was shot—again. He wouldn't let me use anesthesia. Said I might steal his blood and give it to some New England liberal wacko. I just think he doesn't want to be loopy with Carina on the prowl. So did you clear up her mess on the phone?"

"This whole night is Carina's mess. Zondra just got here, late of course. Carina admitted to timing this whole raid and requesting me as backup so the three of us could hit the New York clubs tonight for a pre-bachelorette-party party."

"Sounds like her. But why are Casey and I here?"

"She didn't realize I'd bring you two along. I'm not going out with them anyway. She's likely to requisition a DEA helicopter and fly it up Broadway. Last time we started in Vegas but ended up in Miami dancing with Gorbachev. I don't want a repeat performance. I'd rather go out with you. Anyway, I've got Detective Kate Beckett from NYPD on your phone. She's arrested the two Buy Morons." That comment was punctuated with a deep grunt from someone else. "What are they doing in New York?"

"Morgan's mad at them for kidnapping Kevin Bacon, so he sent them on a prank concert tour to get them out of the Buy More for a few days."

"Nice plan. Unfortunately they got into some sort of fight and kidnapped someone. Are you done with him?"

"Not completely. The bullet is out. The wound is clean and I've controlled the bleeding. I just need to stitch it up and bandage it. I guess you could do that part."

"Sure. Here, take this. So Casey, do you want an impressive, nasty scar or a small scar?"

Beckett and Castle listened to the whole interchange in wide-eyed surprise.

"Hi, this is Chuck. What can I do for you Detective Beckett?" Chuck was overly polite and sounded almost cheery.

"I don't suppose you could explain to me what the hell is going on?" Beckett asked.

"Sorry. Everything you are allowed to know will be on the news. If you hadn't called, no one would officially know we were here. So, what did Jeff and Lester do this time?"

"First, we thought Mr. Patel had killed Mr. Barnes. The charge has been reduced to assault and battery and attempted murder."

"Ah. Let me guess... couch lock."

"Uh, it has been called that."

"Right. Jeff prefers to be slapped awake in an emergency. He's given blanket permission for anyone to do it when necessary, except my partner Casey, of course. If Casey did it, Jeff would have to be hospitalized. Just so you know, your charges would not hold up at trial. Couch lock is a persistent medical condition for Jeff. You should let them go."

"I see. Well, there's a new problem. They kidnapped a girl and won't reveal where she is."

"Kidnapping? I seriously doubt that. Yes, they kidnapped Kevin Bacon, but he's just the Large Mart's pig mascot. I doubt they would develop the spine to kidnap a person. Most junior high girls could break Lester in half. And Jeff is not coherent enough to mastermind a kidnapping."

"Our records show a history of crime in Barnes' family and both Patel and Barnes have a laundry list of restraining orders."

"I know. I know. However, they are smart enough not to violate them once they are issued. That's why their van is decked out with the latest spy gear. They stalk from outside of the restraining order radius. I know it's still creepy, but they don't actually hurt anyone. Who is it they supposedly kidnapped?"

"We just have a first name: Loretta."

Beckett and Castle heard laughter on the other end of the phone. "Just a second."

Beckett did not understand why this agent would think kidnapping was so funny. She looked over at Castle and mouthed "I hate this case." He gave her a sympathetic look.

After a few seconds, Chuck spoke again, "Loretta is currently in your precinct's vehicle impound."

"She's in their van? We'll have to sweep the floorboard for hidden compartments. Wait, how do you know where their van is?"

"No. Loretta is the name of their stalker van, and I know where it is because we low-jacked it. Those idiots are part of our cover jobs, but they have inadvertently cross-paths with some of our missions. They even ran surveillance for me once without knowing it."

"Is that why you got their charges dropped?"

"Some of the time, yes."

"What happened at the hospital?" Castle asked.

"My sister was in labor. They thought they would celebrate with a concert. Uninvited, of course. The hospital was embarrassed because a couple of expectant mothers asked for repeat performances at their births. The hospital made the whole thing go away."

Beckett said, "So you are saying we have no reason to hold them."

"Not really. However, if you want to make your lives easier, you could exile them from New York."

"Exile? Sorry, Agent Bartowski, but that is not something the police can do."

"I know that. However they don't. Here, let me send you this form." Suddenly, the printer in the conference room sprang to life. "That's an unofficial restraining order. We keep them at the Buy More customer complaints desk. They work because Jeff and Lester don't know any better. Just fill out 'New York City' for the person's name, change the distance to 50 miles, change the effective duration to something like five years, and sign the bottom. Jeff and Lester won't know the difference, and you won't have to deal with them for five years. Listen, I have to go before my fiancée's bridesmaids steal her away for the next two days. I'm sorry about the trouble you had tonight, but rest assured, the flow of a third of the drugs and half of the weapons entering New York City has been halted. That might make your lives a little easier, at least for a little while. Bye bye. "

The line went dead.

That was it. Beckett had had it. She was done for the night. She had to get out of the precinct before something else strange happened. She stood up, walked over and pulled Castle up from his seat at the table. Dragging him out of the conference room, she walked by Esposito's desk without stopping. "Cut them loose and take them to their van. It's named Loretta." Esposito slapped his open hand to his forehead. She called back without looking, "Tell them to leave town. If they resist, there's a form in the conference room you can use." They might have brought Jeffster in by accident, but it was Esposito's fault they were still being held for kidnapping. He could deal with it.

The elevator opened, and Beckett continued dragging a surprised Castle inside. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"Back to The Old Haunt." Kate linked her arm comfortably with his. "We never had rounds three and four, Rick."

**XXXXXXXX**

A/N: There is now a sequel to this story. It is a Castle/Stargate crossover again, starting the very next day. It is titled _What Is Happening? _If you are not in to Stargate, you can skip to the Castle/Chuck crossover sequel that takes place a few months later, titled _Why Does This Keep Happening?_


End file.
